Blanket Coffee

Night sky, twinkling stars,
Moonlit grass, lonely bench.
And I lay here, crossed feet,
Looking for reason.

The cacophony of your words,
Ringing in my head,
Breaking my spirit,
Telling me, I'm not good enough.

Every day at dusk,
Loneliness gives me company,
As I search for my personal bits,
Scattered all over our memories.

Weak, vulnerable and indecisive,
I'm breaking down, piece by piece,
Melting into a puddle of fear,
Running away from my own self.

I shut myself out,
From the outside world,
Digging for hope and joy,
Inside my body.

Convulated thoughts, confused actions,
I have lost all control,
As tears roll down my eyes,
As my vision turns hazy.

It's not easy living in a blur,
With a lost soul, and a pierced heart,
Wandering into oblivion,
Searching for everything, and nothing.

But I will always pick myself up,
From the bathroom floor,
After I'm done crying,
Drunk on my own tears.

I will always hug myself,
When I lay down, trying to sleep,
But my head loses its mind,
And the pillow is all wet.

I will put up fake smiles,
Every morning, before stepping out.
And obscure every pain,
Behind a happy face.

I will not let this break me down,
To a point where I won't get up.
I will keep fighting this,
Until it gets better.

I might fall down more than a hundred times,
But I will stand back up, every time,
Throwing joyous glitter around me,
Until I win this battle.

There'll be those times,
When it'd be too difficult to continue,
And yet, I know, I will not give up,
Until I lose all my demons.

I have me, and that is all I need,
And someday, I will smile again,
Looking at my reflection,
And then, life will be clear again.

Lovers depart, friends betray, families grow apart, pets die, food runs out. Everything we love, comes to an end someday. Our hearts break, we grow weak and vulnerable. Sadness engulfs us, as we moan the shattering of our spirits. Each day becomes a living hell, and each night is lonelier than the previous. Trusting someone becomes a job harder than choosing an ice cream flavor. And then there comes a time, when we are fed up of grieving. When we decide to leave it all behind. When we decide to be happy again. Eventually, we seek comfort in other things, other people. Sure, we have moments when all those memories break us, but we get back up. Sooner or later, there's joyous confetti around us, faded colors are bright again, withered flowers bloom again, broken hearts piece back up, tastier food arrives. Us humans, we're obsessed with the idea of love. We think love is what will save us from our demons. Over the course, we get hurt, we even often lose our minds, and yet, most of us grow past it. What we never realise is that we don't need any saving. Love was never meant to save us. All these years and we turn a blind eye to love. We venture through this labyrinth of suffering, we all do. Why, you ask? Because we all need to realise that we all have the strength to come out of it. We're only mortals, and the idea of seeking love runs through our veins. But we forget how destructive it is to search for it in other mortals, before we find it in ourselves. It will all come to an end, that's inevitable. And we will all tread past it, we will all forget it someday. Someday, this perfume won't remind you of your estranged lover. Someday, you'll sit at that bench you used to, with your ex-best-friend, without realizing it is that spot. Someday, you'll smile at the happy memories of your deceased father, instead of shedding tears. Someday, you'll adopt another dog. Yes, you will. There will be a day when you will feel better again. Because that is what it is about. We will all forgive and forget someday, we will. That is what love teaches us. Love does not save you, you save you.

I'm not the usual. I don't want to go dancing in the club, drunk on vodka. I want to sit by that lonely bench and look at the city lights. I want to lay on the grass, gazing at the stars. I want to sit under the moonlight and write a poem. I want to go back and forth on this swing, just like when I was little. I want to dance on the road, that's busy with cars in the day. I want to sprint through the field like a free bird. Let me be, I'm not the usual.

I watch ol' Disney movies at nights when I can't sleep. I wear my brother's t-shirts more than I wear my own. I have a weird fetish for fallen feathers and boulevards. And I believe there's nothing a pizza or a burger can't cure. Let me be, I'm not the usual.

I laugh at every joke, especially my own. I'm a girl, and I dislike pink. I'm a sucker for sunrises and sunsets, and rain. For someone who's so incredibly lazy, I'm surprisingly energetic at times. I come up with the most awesome comebacks for an argument, 10 hours after it was already over. I eat ice-creams even with a sore throat. Let me be, I'm not the usual.

Reading a book is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Twenty years into life, and I still don't know how to receive compliments. I am, and I will always be fascinated by butterflies. The infinity of the universe inspires and scares me at the same time. Let me be, I'm not the usual.

I'm an emotional wreck of insecurities, excitement and anxiety. Let me be, I'm not the usual.

Because WHO SAID BEING ALONE COULD NOT BE FUN? Read along to discover all the perks of being alone at home and comment down below your favorite one. :D

1. You get to walk around naked

2. Eat WHATEVER you want without getting judged

3. Pee with the bathroom's door open