Blur

9:39 AM

Night sky, twinkling stars,
Moonlit grass, lonely bench.
And I lay here, crossed feet,
Looking for reason.

The cacophony of your words,
Ringing in my head,
Breaking my spirit,
Telling me, I'm not good enough.

Every day at dusk,
Loneliness gives me company,
As I search for my personal bits,
Scattered all over our memories.

Weak, vulnerable and indecisive,
I'm breaking down, piece by piece,
Melting into a puddle of fear,
Running away from my own self.

I shut myself out,
From the outside world,
Digging for hope and joy,
Inside my body.

Convulated thoughts, confused actions,
I have lost all control,
As tears roll down my eyes,
As my vision turns hazy.

It's not easy living in a blur,
With a lost soul, and a pierced heart,
Wandering into oblivion,
Searching for everything, and nothing.

But I will always pick myself up,
From the bathroom floor,
After I'm done crying,
Drunk on my own tears.

I will always hug myself,
When I lay down, trying to sleep,
But my head loses its mind,
And the pillow is all wet.

I will put up fake smiles,
Every morning, before stepping out.
And obscure every pain,
Behind a happy face.

I will not let this break me down,
To a point where I won't get up.
I will keep fighting this,
Until it gets better.

I might fall down more than a hundred times,
But I will stand back up, every time,
Throwing joyous glitter around me,
Until I win this battle.

There'll be those times,
When it'd be too difficult to continue,
And yet, I know, I will not give up,
Until I lose all my demons.

I have me, and that is all I need,
And someday, I will smile again,
Looking at my reflection,
And then, life will be clear again.

Picture credits: Madhavi Arora

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