Ideas are everywhere - Day 24:35 PM
I lay in a box, with my eyes forcefully closed and I cannot get out of this box even if I wanted to. I am thinking about all the work that is left behind.and all the work which would be.
But more importantly, I am thinking about Alaska. I wonder if she was crying looking at the box or was not able to react anymore. I hope she moves on from this. Obviously, it won't be easy. Things like these are never easy, but the point is, the faster you move past these moment, the better.
Alaska has been with me for the past twenty years. And never has she seen my face so ugly it is unrecognisable. I wonder if she wanted to puke when she saw me or wanted to cry.
There is a lot of wondering to do, you see. Parents to think about, the betrayal you have done, the walking out of their lives just like that, the resources you have left behind, the life you have taken from them.
People die everyday. But a father/mother lose their children only once. And I am fretting over what I might have done to save them from this. I swear I never meant to give them trouble.
I am sick. I am sick of this casket. I am waiting for them to stop the crying and end this funeral. Who even wants to be at a funeral? Atleast, I don't.
I am gonna miss Alaska. Still more than she ever missed me. But I guess she won a final battle. She is always gonna win the "I was there for you."
I hope she does it in style.
What can a dead person do except just stay there and watch the hearts of their closest lifelines get shattered to pieces?
Death maybe overrated but it is capital L for Lame. And terribly Devastating.